


Love and Despair

by Mellowyellowdiamonds



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Canon-Typical Violence, Dysfunctional Olicity, F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Olicity Summer Sizzle, Olicity angst and fluff, Set in a fantasy made up world, So much angst, Suicide Attempt, but quite a lot of fluff too, loosely based on the Hades/Persephone myth, much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-09 08:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20285545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mellowyellowdiamonds/pseuds/Mellowyellowdiamonds
Summary: After being handed over as a gift to Oliver Queen and forced into a loveless marriage, Felicity tries her best to navigate the cards she's been dealt. Despite their overwhelming physical attraction can they ever overcome their unfortunate beginnings to form any semblance of a functional relationship?





	Love and Despair

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Guys
> 
> So this is the story I have always wanted to write but have always been too chicken to write. I pondered various incarnations of it on and off ever since I started writing Olicity fanfic.
> 
> It's very different to the type of stories I usually write but after sitting down to read the Hades/Persephone Myth I decided to give this a go.
> 
> Please be warned that it is not my usual style and will not be everyone's cup of tea. This is the brainchild after many years of watching numerous Chinese series where characters make questionable choices.
> 
> In particular I wanted a more "messy" Felicity and Oliver than my usual heart eyed Oliver and sensible, pragmatic Felicity.
> 
> So we have this. I wrote this for myself but have decided to share it so if you hate it...I don't want to know!
> 
> That said I do hope you derive enjoyment from it as this was quite a labour of love on my part.

**Lust **

“You have nothing to worry about. I don’t force women into doing things they don’t want to do.”

Her new husband’s voice is emotionless as he sits at the little marble table, cutting a cold and imposing figure.

“Even a woman who has been gifted to you?” Felicity asks trying to match him in his detachment however her slightly wavering voice gives her away. She didn’t try to run this time. The wedding ceremony completed without a hitch, much to the delight of the man who had adopted her and groomed her for this day.

Once upon a time Felicity would have run, would have tried to run but many failed attempts had taught her to accept her fate. After all the definition of insanity was to do something over and over again despite it never yielding different results. This was at least something different. An escape from Merlyn. She’d swapped one gilded cage for another but at least the same paths were not trodden once more.

He turns and looks at her, making eye contact for the first time. 

“You are a symbol of victory. A living, breathing sign of what Malcolm Merlyn has had to give up out of respect for myself and my people. You may be beautiful and accomplished but you serve no purpose other than to be a daily reminder to Merlyn and his people of my power.” 

Felicity wants to scream at him that despite being raised her whole life to be nothing but a tribute to him she was a living, breathing person with her own thoughts and mind but thinks better of it so she bites back her response.

What good would it do anyway? There was a time when she fantasized about trying to kill him on their wedding day, on their wedding night but one look at his brute strength confirmed that any attempts on her part would be foolish. What would they serve besides giving him more ammunition to laugh and ridicule her for being the slave that they both knew she was?

Instead she tries a different tact.

“Are you sure you have no use for me?”

She wasn’t a born seductress that much she knew. How could she be when her life had been so completely devoid of love for as long as she could remember? What she could rely on were the skills she’d learnt from all the ladies of the night Merlyn had sent her to as part of her education on how to be the perfect tribute to the Green Arrow.

Felicity slinks up to him, shedding her robes so that they fall below her shoulders, revealing a mass of creamy smooth skin, channeling every bit of self-confidence she could muster, throwing all caution to the wind.

Merlyn had sent her to complete a task. No amount of planning and running had worked. This was her best chance at gaining that taste of freedom her heart so desired but had never experienced.

Her husband is staring at her with an inscrutable look on his face. Felicity feels her cheeks flush warm as her confidence falters. She momentarily hesitates, and lurches back a step, gazing at him with a forlorn look in her eyes. 

He licks his lips and that’s the sign that Felicity needs to forge ahead. She lets her robe fall to the floor, ignoring her own nakedness as she stands in front of him, her eyes never leaving his. 

In her mind this moment had always played out differently to what was currently her reality. In her head she had always been scared of him, of what he could, would do to her, however reality was starkly different. Felicity felt her heart thump relentlessly in her chest. Not out of fear exactly, more like trepidation of what was to come. The unknown of it all.

A rough hand circles her naked waist as he pulls her into him.

“Do you have any idea what kind of fire you’re playing with Felicity?” he whispers, his face mere millimeters from hers.

She doesn’t answer him despite there being a comeback on the cusp of her tongue. That was too much like herself. Always on hand with an inappropriate quip. She couldn’t be herself here. She couldn’t be herself anywhere. She needed to find a way out of this if there was to be any hope for her in the future. 

Instead Felicity leans in and kisses him tentatively, her lips lingering on his unsure of where this bold move was going to take her. 

Oliver kisses her back roughly, hungrily, taking her kiss as a sign of acquiesce as he backs her into the bed that’s been prepared in lieu of their wedding night. 

*** 

It was hard to reconcile the cold, detached man who had sat in her room earlier with the one who was currently on top of her manipulating her body. The one who had made her body respond in ways she couldn’t dream off, whose expert hands had driven Felicity off the precipice over and over again despite her reluctance to give in and leave herself so exposed to him.

Oliver hovers on top of her as he kisses her hungrily, full of need, his scruff probably leaving angry red marks on her porcelain white skin.

Felicity lets out a gasp when she feels the evidence of his arousal nudging against her soaked entrance, causing him to freeze. Slowly he closes his eyes and wills himself to stop before opening them to search hers…seeking permission.

Felicity holds his gaze and wordlessly nods at him before closing her eyes. 

He’s gentle, or at least he tries to be despite his size being almost too much for her to take in. 

“Just…don’t worry about hurting me, I’ll be ok,” she whispers trying to reassure him. She’s really gone mad. This was everything she’d fought against her entire life, ever since she found out what was to be her destiny and yet her she was encouraging the man partially responsible for it all not to hold back. 

He takes her words to heart and pushes in, one long sharp stroke that stings, causes her to cry out in pain.

“Shhh it’s going to be ok. It won’t hurt anymore from here onwards,” his voice whispers softly into her ear as a hand strokes her face, cupping her cheek. Felicity opens her eyes and sees him gazing down at her, an intermingling expression of lust and concern on his face. 

Before she can respond he leans down and kisses her, first her lips, moving down to her neck before making his way to her breasts all while he continues to pump in and out of her. 

He’s right. The pain begins to subside and gives way to new sensations, which eventually become all consuming and overwhelming as he continues to thrust in and out of her while kissing her and worshipping her body like she’s his cherished lover. 

Felicity doesn’t fight it this time. The one lesson she’s learnt tonight is that her body would ultimately betray her when it comes to this man. Instead she simply clings onto him and lets herself feel as she falls apart around him while he chases his pleasure inside her. 

*** 

_What have I done?_ Felicity thinks to herself the moment he pulls out of her. The consequences of her actions now heaping on her in full force. He’d given her a choice, sat there and told her plainly that he had no interest in her other than as a prize and yet she’d decided to play seductress and done this. 

They could have had one of those sham marriages. They did have one of those sham marriages but at least it would have been one where her dignity was preserved. Instead she’d fallen wantonly into bed with him in the hopes of playing the role of a temptress, a role that she had no chance of carrying out successfully. 

Felicity slams her eyes shut and lays very still, willing the tears to not fall. She didn’t want to face him, feels like she simply can’t face him. This was not a marriage born of love, nor was it a relationship of any sort. Yet they’d found pleasure in each other and the image of her coming undone in his arms over and over again would always haunt her. 

They both knew what they had done tonight. What she’d given him permission to do and the pleasure she’d derived from it. 

There is a shuffle of movement as Felicity feels covers being placed gently over her.

She can hear his footsteps and as soon as she hears the door click, Felicity buries her head into her pillows and sobs pitifully. She knew it would be an arduous path to any semblance of happiness but somehow she was handling the situation so much worse than she’d expected of herself. 

*** 

They continue the dance over and over again until Oliver starts to question his sanity. He loathes himself for it and every time it happens he leaves her to cry and slink away in shame. Yet most nights he’d find himself drawn to her room where they would continue different incarnations of the madness. Sometimes he would make the first move. Sometimes she did. The result was always the same. 

He resented her for it. He resented the fact that despite knowing she was a spy sent to entice and maintain control over him, he could not resist her. It was so laughable that he should give into his carnal needs. Before she came along Oliver was convinced he’d put that behind him a decade ago. And yet here he was, reckless in the rule of his empire over the desire for a woman. 

An overwhelming need coursed through him when it came to Felicity Smoak. The need to be inside her, to bask in her scent, to feel her come undone in his arms as she cried out his name. It was the only time she responded to him, the only time where she showed him any emotion. When he was buried deep inside her and she was wrapped in his arms.

However reality always came crashing down in the form of her tears afterwards. Oliver didn’t know what to do. There were times when he considered giving in to his instinct to hold her yet he never did somehow. She didn’t want him to. She was happy for him to take whatever he needed from her with the unspoken agreement that he was to leave right afterwards. 

*** 

“Hmph.” 

“This is terrible.”

“Arghhh.” 

The frustrated huff of a child’s voice is unmistakable as Felicity approaches a large rose bush to find a little boy with sandy coloured hair, no older than five, sitting on the steps of the North Palace looking extremely vexed and frustrated. He was dressed in smart navy blue robes and Felicity guessed he must be a child of one of the high-ranking officials in the palace. 

Upon close examination, Felicity sees that he’s holding onto a Rubik’s cube while pulling a series of angry faces at said cube. 

“It’s very hard to work out the solve yourself. What you want to do and learn all the formulas already derived and just use them to solve the cube,” she says smiling at him. 

“Can you teach me? I’m only 5 and just a little boy. I don’t think I can derive any formulas yet,” he tells her earnestly. 

“Of course I can,” Felicity beams at him in delight. She always got carried away when it came to puzzles and problems to solve and had made room for the fact that he could just be a child, playing with the Rubik’s cube on a whim, without any intention of truly solving the thing. 

“Do you want to ask your parents for permission to come back to my manor? We can have a snack and I’ll write out all the formulas for you.” 

Felicity glances around and to her surprise finds that he is completely alone. The palace might be the safest place in the city since the mighty and fearful Green Arrow resided there himself however it didn’t sit well with Felicity that a young child was roaming around by himself. What if he’d fallen into a one of the many ponds around the place? 

“My name is William. Mommy died right after I was born. She wasn’t married to Daddy you know. Daddy and I are very different. He tries to be good to me but he just isn’t used to little boys. Daddy is very busy doing important things. He has a new wife. They say she doesn’t like him so I don’t think she’ll like me either. Raisa watches over me but she’s so boring sometimes I run off.” 

He pauses and looks at Felicity a little guiltily. “I ran off today. Raisa is very nice but she always wants me to eat porridge and be good. Sometimes a little boy just wants to run off and have fun you know?” 

His words pierce her heart and all the loneliness of her youth comes tumbling back as she gazes at the poor, wee mite standing in front of her. She knew that feeling well, it was far too familiar to her. The feeling of not having anyone in this world that truly understood you, who would listen to your little sorrows and woes no matter how trivial. Her heart went out to him. 

“How about you spend the afternoon with me and if you’re not bored you can come find me whenever you like?” Felicity offers with a huge smile on her face.

“I’m pretty sure you won’t be boring,” William tells her earnestly. 

*** 

“I am so proud of you! That’s a cube a minute. You learn so quickly! You can tell your Daddy about it.”

Felicity was often tempted to track down this absentee father of William’s and give him a piece of her mind however she minded her own business and held her peace for William’s sake. Who knew what his father’s temperament was like and Felicity didn’t want to risk the ire of a parent who could potentially forbid her from seeing their child. 

There were no words to describe how much she adored William. He was the one bright spot in this forsaken place and sometimes Felicity felt it was almost worth her being sent here to befriend this little boy and do whatever she could for him. 

Ever since that day they’d become inseparable with William rushing to find her whenever he was finished with his lessons. There was another reason why Felicity did not want to risk incurring the ire of William’s father. William was a child prodigy, just like she was and they had plans to try and get his father to agree for Felicity to be his tutor. So much of her time was idle, she couldn’t think of anything better than to pass on everything she knew to William. 

Despite her destiny as a human sacrifice for Oliver Queen, Merlyn had allowed her all the education she sought. It was his way of twisting the knife in, affirming his superiority over her. Allow Felicity a taste of something that she would never be allowed to use or purse fully. 

“Can we go show Daddy right now? Daddy is home today making weapons. He won’t leave to see his wife until nighttime. Isn’t it weird he doesn’t live with his wife?” William casts her an earnestly puzzled look as he asks this question.

“Does anybody in this place have a husband or wife that they love?” Felicity mutters under her breath while letting herself be led way by William.

***

“Daddy I want you to meet my secret friend. She’s super nice and super smart and I wish you married her instead of your new wife Daddy.”

Oliver drops the handful of arrows he’s carrying. Perched in Felicity’s arms, waving excitedly and talking at a mile a minute was his son. The son he’s tried to purposely keep away from his sham of a marriage.

“Felicity is a good egg. She carries me when I ask her even if she complains I’m to heavy,” William informs his father proudly, unaware of the tension and disbelief between the two adults who were staring at each other shell shocked. 

“Will is…he’s your son,” Felicity voice falters and her arms give way as William slides down cheerfully, having been satisfied that she’s lugged him over for half of the distance to his father’s palace. 

Oliver continues to stare as his son clutches onto Felicity’s waist, happily nattering away. He hadn’t thought much of it during the few times he had seen William, thinking his son was enamored with one of the wives of his people. 

He’s about to open his mouth and say something harsh to stop Felicity from worming her way into his son’s life when the look of fear in her eyes stops him. Gone was cold look of indifference she usually reserved for him whenever they met during the day. 

Instead he sees a wary but determined looking young woman, who was clutching protectively onto William. Felicity was worried he’d put an end to her burgeoning friendship with his son. Whatever resentment she felt for Oliver, her affection for William was genuine and it could prove to be useful in neutralizing her loyalties towards Merlyn. 

***

“Are you going to see Felicity?” William asks eagerly as he escapes from Raisa fast enough to see his father getting ready to leave. “Are you going to tell her she can take over all my lessons from now on? Please Daddy?”

Seeing no response from his father, William pouts before adding in an accusing tone, “You never told me Felicity was your new wife.”

“You never told me Felicity was your new friend,” Oliver says sternly. 

“Nice things rarely happen in this place Daddy. Being friends with Felicity was the nicest thing that’s ever happened to me. I wanted to keep it all to myself.”

_So did I William. _

The words echo in his head before he uncomfortably pushes them away.

“We shall see.” Oliver tells his son quietly. 

“Felicity is a really good teacher. She taught me the cube in an hour and lots of other stuff. She says that when she has enough time to make things safe for little boys, she’s going to teach me all about chemicals and the amazing things they can do. She’s really clever daddy.”

William bounces around enthusiastically at the thought of all the adventures he was to have with his friend. He was clearly besotted with Felicity, albeit in a much more wholesome way.

William actually had a healthy relationship with Felicity, which was more than Oliver could say for himself.

“She’s renowned for being very clever in her homeland,” Oliver tells his son with a smile.

William beams at his father proudly, puffing out his little chest. “Felicity says we are very similar.” 

“Isn’t it wonderful that she’s going to be my mother Daddy?” 

William’s innocent comment causes the mood in the room to shift right away as Oliver is forced to confront his own entanglement with the woman his son clearly adores.

“I need to head off now. You go to sleep,” he tells William firmly whilst lifting him up for a hug and kiss before handing him off to Raisa. 

“But what about…” William begins to ask only to be cut off quickly by Oliver. 

“Another day. That will be up for discussion another day.” 

***

“I know you and I are…we’re…messed up but please don’t stop me from seeing William.” 

She comes flying at him the moment he steps into her quarters, the words spoken with more animation and life than he’d ever seen from her in the many months that she’s been here. 

“You can hate me all you want but I AM good for William so please don’t put an end to that on account of your feelings for me.” She grabs his hand, tugging at it with a pleading look on her face.

Oliver freezes momentarily, staring at his arm, which Felicity is still clutching onto while she earnestly lists out all the reasons why he should not step in to dissolve her friendship with his son. 

He’s kissed her, been inside of her, held her during the throes of passion and yet he’s completely unprepared for this very simple act of her nattering away at him while gripping onto him. She’s so full of sincerity, full of life. He’s never seen her like this before, never thought he would see her like this.

They met at night and did what they did but never acknowledged each other as people beyond that. Suddenly it felt like things were going to be more complicated from here. 

“I know…I know we’re messed up. But don’t let the unhealthy games two adults play get in the way of what is best for a child.” 

She’s suddenly self-conscious and lets go of his hand, which she has been gripping onto, leaving him feeling oddly cold and empty.

“I would never stand in the way of my child’s happiness,” Oliver reassures her. 

“Good,” Felicity breathes a sigh of relief. “Good you see it that way. Because we can stop that…that thing that we do. We don’t have to…” her voice trails off and she casts her eyes away from him. 

Felicity takes a step back and wraps her arms around herself. There it was. She’d shut down again.

“Do you want to stop?” he asks taking a step towards her and closing the space between them. 

He caresses her cheek with one finger, finally stopping to lift her chin so her eyes meet his. 

“We can continue with the unhealthy adult games. Those are between us and have nothing to do with anyone else. Do you want to stop Felicity?”

There’s defiance in her eyes, a small flame as she matches him gaze for gaze. 

“No.” 

And just like that her lips are on his, her fingers working frantically to disrobe him.

*** 

**Like**

_Do not forget what you were sent here to do. A significant amount of time has passed and yet there has been no action or word from you. I caution you to remember that the freedom you so crave depends on your success._

Felicity tosses the letter into the crackling flames of her fireplace wishing to distance herself from the small, harmless piece of paper as quickly as possible.

Never. She could never do what Merlyn wanted her to do. There was no question about it now. 

To think that there was a time when it was her only goal in being here and everything she did, including giving up herself was to accomplish this goal. Her only qualm had been about how she would have the physical strength to take down someone like the Green Arrow. 

However things change. How quickly and suddenly they change. There was William now. Bright, loving and trusting little William, who had an irreplaceable bond with her. Felicity knew whatever freedom she had hoped to seek; she could not do it at the expense of that little boy.

“Ahem,” his deliberate cough startles Felicity as she jumps a little, her hands shaking as she gives the fireplace one last glance. There was no trace of the note. Nothing in there but the flames and blocks of wood crackling away merrily.

“Don’t you ever knock?” she asks him in an accusing tone.

“Felicity I never knock and you’ve never complained in however many months it’s been.” 

Oliver advances towards Felicity, his gaze never leaving her. There was a look of fear in her eyes. She was scared. Vulnerable. He’d never seen her like this, not even on their first night together. 

Instinctively, without knowing why and perhaps not wanting to ask himself why, Oliver stands behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her into him. He doesn’t say anything but softly brushes his lips against her cheek, his arms stroking hers as he envelopes her with his entire body. 

“I’ve been waiting for this moment all day,” he whispers, another kiss ghosting her cheek as he lightly brushes his lips against that soft, silken skin.

“What happened to you?” Felicity cries suddenly, turning around and grabbing his arm. She proceeds to examine the arm quickly, before reaching for his other arm. 

Oliver freezes, unsure of what is going on. This was not how the script usually played out. Granted he’d gone a little off script tonight, trying to comfort her but now he was genuinely perplexed. 

“What did you do today?” Felicity asks again in a loud voice and before Oliver can answer he hands are flying to his robes. Only this time she’s not undressing him in an urgent or seductive manner. Instead she’s methodically taking them off, her fingers searching his body as she makes disapproving noises at his wounds. 

“You’re hurt,” she says tenderly before that tenderness gives way to annoyance. 

“This is really bad. You haven’t been patched up properly. This here needs stitches.” 

She jabs him angrily on his shoulder (which was uninjured) and glares at him.

“Did you not see a physician? Did you just decide to ignore all your injuries and come to my quarters for sex?” 

Felicity’s tone and the look on her face firmly suggested sex was not on the cards tonight. Angsty or otherwise. She was clearly too annoyed with him. 

“Come here,” she says with a huff, taking his hand and pushing him onto the bed.

Oliver must have unwittingly given her a hopeful look because the next thing Felicity does is roll her eyes at him. 

“Is sex all you think about? Because let me put you out of your misery tonight and tell you it’s not happening.” 

Shaking her head at him in disbelief for good measure, Felicity walks off only to return later with what looked like a small portable chest. She places the chest on the table and begins to unload its contents. An assortment of bandages, threads, strange looking lotions and powders. 

“I put one together after I met William and he started spending time here. He’s such a careful child; I’ve never had to use it on him. Now it’s proving to be useful for his father so all my efforts were not in vain.” 

Oliver watches in fascination and appreciation. He knew Felicity adored William, that much he could be sure of but it still caught him completely off guard to see just how maternal she was towards his son. Despite the undefined circumstances between them it was clear Felicity thought of and treated William like her own child.

“This will sting a little,” she warns him, giving him a soft smile, the first and only sincere smile he’s ever seen from her that was directed exclusively at him. 

*** 

“Goodnight. Come back tomorrow after you bathe so I can attend to your wounds again. Ideally I’d like to change your bandages twice but you’re not going to listen to me so once at night will do.” 

Felicity is busily tucking herself into bed while bossily issuing her instructions to him. Her golden hair cascades across her shoulders as she continuously runs a brush through it. She's cosily tucked under the covers.

Oliver gazes at her, feeling helplessly lost. His normal cold and stoic stance had traitorously abandoned him tonight. Felicity was acting like she cared. He didn’t know how to process that. 

“You…you’re going to bandage me up again tomorrow?” 

“Well yes, unless you want to go see a physician.” She’s peering at him like she thinks he’s being incredibly dense. 

“I…thank you,” he says finally. 

“You should come find me next time if you don’t want to see a physician,” Felicity says earnestly. “I know you’re the big bad Green Arrow but you’re also William’s father and you need to take care of yourself.” 

“Good Night Felicity.”

“Good night Oliver.” She’s not smiling at him but there is a gentle expression on her face. 

Oliver gives her a nod before making his way out of the room. It was the first time they’ve ever exchanged words after one of his nightly visits.

*** 

“These were sent for you today,” Alena, the head housekeeper of Felicity’s manor informs her, opening up an ice chest full of various tubs of different colours. 

“Ice cream,” Felicity claps her hands upon closer examination of them. She pulls out a clear tub with pink content, grabs the spoon, which Alena efficiently hands her and proceeds to dig in. It was cool, sweet and ever so fruity.

She’s onto her third spoon when Alena adds, “It was a gift from the Green Arrow. You may not know this because you’re not from here but this ice cream comes from the best ice creamery in town. It needs to be ordered in advance.” 

“Well I’ll be sure to thank him then,” Felicity smiles at Alena, the first genuine smile Alena has ever seen from her since she started working at Felicity’s manor. Not to say that Felicity was in any way difficult or unpleasant. Far from it. It was just that she always had such a wistful expression on her face. A resigned air of sorts. Today was the first time Alena saw any glimpse of genuine joy in her. 

*** 

“Thank you for the ice cream,” Felicity flies into his arms and kisses him before he’s even had the time to seek her out properly. It was their standard routine for him to enter her room and seat himself at her marble table, waiting for the inevitable to happen. 

Instead he finds himself with a pliant armful of the woman he could not resist.

He pauses for a moment, before wrapping his arm around her to return her embrace. 

“It’s just ice cream,” he shrugs as she pulls him to the bed. “I wanted to thank you for…for taking care of me when I was injured.” 

“And now that you’ve healed satisfactorily I have a creative way to eat the ice cream tonight,” Felicity winks at him, a delightfully lopsided blink that resembles a twitch. He’d never seen this side of her before. Their love making, although satisfying and addictive was always full of simmering rage and bitterness. Tonight she was…mischievous. It gave him a brief insight into the woman he did not know. Did not think he cared to know.

“I have always wanted to eat ice cream off those abs,” she says, stripping him from his robes and pushing him onto the bed. Her eyes sparkle but not with the usual flickering anger tonight, nor are they dull with despondent sadness. They’re bright, full of mirth. Carefree. 

“Always,” he raises an eyebrow at her in disbelief. They fucked either angrily or sadly and then he left. He could never imagine her fantasizing about him the way she would a true lover.

“There’s a reason why we keep doing this Oliver. It’s unhealthy and questionable on both our parts but there is a reason why we keep doing it and we enjoy what we do. At least I do, I won’t speak for you. So yes, psychoanalyzing aside I do very much want to eat ice cream off your abs because regardless of what we are I am very attracted to you.” 

She sits crossed legged on one side of him and starts rummaging through the ice creams in the ice chest. Oliver suddenly realizes it’s more than she’s ever said to him in the 8 months that she’s been here. She rambled. He didn’t figure her for a rambler.

Despite a cold sensation startling him as Felicity places a scoop of what looks like vanilla ice cream on his chest, Oliver finds himself more distracted pondering what Felicity would be like if she just talked to him properly. If they had met under entirely different circumstances. At least that’s what he’s thinking until she starts straddling him and licking all the different ice cream flavours she’s got balanced on his chest and abs. 

Felicity starts off with vanilla, moves onto peach, then boysenberry, sliding lower and lower as she savours each new flavor. 

“Fuck Felicity,” he cries out when she takes him into her mouth.

*** 

“We’re all sticky,” Felicity sighs breathily as she drops down on Oliver, her chest meeting his, despite knowing she probably hasn’t licked all the ice cream off him particularly thoroughly. They were still joined but she was too sated and tired to move. Sex with food was just as vigorous and somehow more energy draining than pure angsty sex. 

Oliver who was coming down from his high doesn’t say anything. Instead he wraps both arms around her back. 

“Is my back sticky?” Felicity murmurs.

“That would be a yes,” Oliver answers as images of him taking her from behind earlier in the night flash vividly in his head. 

“I’m gonna go to sleep,” Felicity sighs, clinging onto him lazily causing Oliver to wonder briefly if he could stay inside her all night and not move. 

Instead he attempts to nudge her with his head, an action that results in him nuzzling her neck. “You can’t go to sleep covered in sugar with me inside you still.”

“But the bed is all sticky anyway. And I don’t want to wake any of the staff,” Felicity grumbles.

Swiftly he rolls her over and pulls out of her, causing Felicity to whine at the loss of contact. 

Having taken action Oliver finds it significantly easier to get himself moving. He slides out of bed. 

Felicity’s eyes fly open, a hurt expression flickers quickly across her face before she schools it away. 

Quickly to avoid any further misunderstanding between them Oliver lifts her out of the bed into his arms.

“What are you doing?” she cries in surprise, her crest fallen expression vanishing in an instant. 

“Giving both of us a bath and then we are going to sleep on the floor.” 

***

“I didn’t know your hair was this wavy,” Oliver tugs gently at a curl. He’s seated in the vast marble bathing pool with Felicity nestled between his legs. 

“That’s because it’s always straightened to present my best self to you.” 

“Oh I noticed a stray curl here and there. Didn’t think it was so wavy though.” 

“You think about my hair?” She turns and gives him an impish smile before slipping, the soap they used causing her to slide out around in his arms. 

Oliver catches and steadies her, pulling her into him.

“I notice. I pay close attention to you remember.” 

Felicity doesn’t say anything. Instead she lifts her head and rubs her nose against his. 

Unable to resist Oliver hitches her wet, naked form up a little higher and flips her around before his lips find hers.

***

“Did you really think I can’t get into this place?” 

The initial shock of seeing Merlyn in her courtyard wears off quickly as Felicity steels herself to deal with the situation. Having been raised by this man she knew what he was capable of. She had not thought he would be so bold so soon but the fact that he managed to find his way into the fortress that was the palace did not surprise her.

“I have always known you are capable of anything,” Felicity says flatly. 

“Come now, you haven’t been away for a full year yet and you’re acting like you’ve forgotten about me already. Surely he can’t be treating you that well?” he eyes Felicity up and down. “I take that back. Life as Oliver Queen’s slave seems to be treating you well. You’re even more beautiful than when I sent you to him.” 

Felicity chooses her words carefully, biting back her urge to make a snappy retort at him. She wasn’t Merlyn’s slave anymore. She had her own manor, her own servants. She had William who was exactly what she needed but never dreamed she wanted. She and Oliver laughed and joked with each other. They were almost friends.

Despite knowing that she couldn’t and would never do what Merlyn asked of her, having been raised by him, she knew her old master well. There was no point in antagonizing him. She had to humour him somehow, fend him off temporarily until she could think of a way to be free from him permanently. 

“I don’t feel the time is right yet. You’re relying on my ability to be close to him. That gives me one chance. Just one chance only. You have tried to attack him in the field and failed so I’m your only chance at defeating him. You need to let me handle this my way.” 

Her tone was not antagonistic despite the firm edge to it. Merlyn however did not like the perceived insolence with which he was witnessing. 

“Do not forget that you are and always will be nothing but a lowly slave that I found after your parents died.” His hands clench and unclench as Felicity can see the palpable urge within him to grab her. However something stops him. Felicity despite not fighting back was standing before him without flinching. There was a calm confidence about her, something he’d never seen before. She had done better for herself in this place than he thought she was capable of.

“Just remember you’re nothing but a tribute to him. No matter what he says, how he treats you, what he promises you, in the back of his mind you were always a present from ME. Trained and raised by me and handed to him. He will never forget that Felicity and best you don’t either.” 

Merlyn circles her, a smug, self-satisfied grin appearing on his lips. “Do what you’re supposed to do. Then I’ll wash my hands of you. You can go anywhere you want and do whatever you want. You’ll be truly free then. Un beholden to anyone.” 

“Don’t forget that here you’re always going to be a slave Felicity. A glorified favourite play thing but a play thing nevertheless.” 

Worth those parting words Merlyn departs, vanishing as swiftly as he had appeared. 

***

“Can I have a suit like this too? Not to fight. I’m too clumsy to fight. Daddy doesn’t say it but I know he thinks it when he tries to train me. I’m gonna be like you when I grow up. Make weapons and suits for someone like Daddy.” 

William is perched on her work table with his thin, lanky legs swinging merrily as Felicity tries to piece together some Kevlar sleeves on the new suit she was secretly making for Oliver. She hadn’t intended on letting William come with her but he’d insisted and pouted, citing that he saw her less these days ever since Daddy built her a big work shed. 

“Why do you need a suit if you don’t intend on fighting and being the Green Arrow?” Felicity asks, squeezing his little cheeks. William rolls his eyes at her but doesn’t protest. He’s never had anyone fawn over him before Felicity. It was a bit weird but he liked it. 

“Can I have one to play in? Just because I’m clumsy doesn’t mean I can’t pretend to be the Green Arrow.”

“Kevlar is quite heavy Will. How about I make you something that looks like this but with aluminum instead? Much lighter.” 

“After you design our dream playground garden. Remember you told me you never got to play when you were a kid so we’re going to build our dream playground garden and you’ll play with me in it?” 

“You want that before or after the Green Arrow suit? You have a lot on your list Will,” Felicity teases him. 

“You’re going to stay here forever and help Daddy raise me right? You won’t leave ever?” 

“I hope I can Will.” Felicity strokes the little boy’s hair and gazes at him fondly. She needed to deal with Merlyn, needed to find a way to explain to Oliver…everything. However to do so involved admitting to her feelings and facing the reality of Oliver’s feelings for her, whatever they may be. Felicity didn’t know how to find the words or courage to approach the situation yet. They’d finally established some normality in their relationship, if you could even call it that. The last thing Felicity wanted was to dredge up the sordid details of their past situation. 

“You promise?” Will’s voice pulls Felicity out of her reverie. He’s watching her with a very serious and worried look on his face. 

“You promise you’ll never leave me?” he asks again. 

“I will try.”

“But you won’t promise!” His jaw is jutting out, his bottom lip quivering slightly and Felicity can see the tears that are threatening to fall.

“I promise I will always love you and will not leave you if I can help it.”

“I love you Felicity,” Will throws his arms around her neck and demands she carry him off the bench, looking somewhat appeased.

“I love you too baby.” 

*** 

“What are you two eating?” Oliver clucks with disapproval as soon as he enters Felicity’s quarters to see her and William sitting down to an assortment of bright coloured cakes, cookies and desserts. 

“Afternoon tea?” Felicity replies looking very much like a naughty child who has been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. In this case she was literally holding a cookie, having taken a bite and was now awkwardly removing it from her mouth. 

“I was just giving William his afternoon snack so I sent word to the kitchen and they sent up this entire spread. I have no idea why.” Felicity ponders for minute, smiles at him sheepishly and shoves the rest of the cookie into her mouth. 

“What are you doing here Daddy? This is MY time with Felicity. You get to play with her at night so why are you intruding on MY time,” William scowls crossly at his father. He loved his father but had no patience for his killjoy lectures about nutrition. He’d been looking forward to an afternoon in a sugar coma with Felicity while they designed their garden.

“Oh I’m just feeling a little left out so wanted to see if I could join you guys that’s all. I don’t have anyone to eat afternoon tea with.” There’s a twinkle in his eyes that mesmerizes Felicity. This was not the man she’d stood beside during that forsaken wedding ceremony many months ago. 

“You can eat afternoon tea with us. That’s it. Then you have to leave. This is my time. You get Felicity at night,” William declares firmly. 

“What do you do together at night anyway? Do you play games all night? Are they fun?” 

Oliver chokes on a salmon sandwich at his son’s words, coughing uncontrollably. Felicity’s cheeks and ears burn bright red, despite her trying to stop his coughing by rubbing his back and offering him a glass of water.

“See that healthy fish sandwich made you choke. Try a cupcake Daddy. It’s soft and fluffy and the yummy icing is less hazardous,” William grins cheerfully at his father, without any realization as to the true reason why Oliver was spluttering. 

***

**Loss **

“Alena I’m sorry to make you do this again but can you go to town and have them compile these sheets I drafted into a book for Will? He’s going through his work at a ridiculous pace I had to draft these in a hurry to keep up with him.” 

Felicity is in the process of placing the large bundle of loose sheets of paper down on the table nearest to her when she spies Oliver. He was staring out into her courtyard, his back turned to her. 

“Oliver. Hi. If you’re looking for William I just dropped him off back with Raisa.” 

Slowly and deliberately Oliver turns around to face her. There wasn’t just a storm in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to rip her, rip the whole word apart as he stares at her in the most terrifying way. He’s never looked at her like this before. Anger, resentment, absolute fury. It was all there, all written on his face whilst he clutches onto what looks like a bottle and a small dagger.

“I came here to give you these. I was going to hide them under your pillow, let you find them tonight before we go to sleep.”

He tosses a box in her direction. The box lands on the table with a crack and out spills a pair of green heart shaped earrings. Bright green jade hearts that were adorned by a double halo of sparkling white diamonds. 

“Instead I found these. What were you going to do with these Felicity? If I get this bottle tested, will it be what I think it is? You’re a great little chemist aren’t you? Those fast-healing lotions you made to rub on me when I was injured. They worked beautifully. So intelligent. Beautiful, accomplished, clever. Trained by Merlyn. Charming too.”

Silencing her with his eyes before Felicity dares to utter a word, he marches towards the table and slams down the little bottle of poison. They both knew what was in it.

“I believe this is yours.” He shoves the dagger into her hand and grabs onto her wrist roughly. 

“What did he promise you in exchange for my death? Freedom? I thought you were happy here? It wasn’t perfect, the way we met wasn’t perfect but I was trying to undo those beginnings day by day.”

“I am happy here. I am Oliver,” Felicity implores, grabbing his hand. He wanted me to kill you. It was always his plan. And back then, when I first got here, I will admit I did entertain the thought. But after a while, like you said yourself I was happy here. With you. With William. I wasn’t the girl who was sent here as your tribute anymore. This became my home. Merlyn kept sending notes. I burned them. He showed up to threaten me. I tried to appease him because I wanted to buy more time to get rid of him. I was never going to do what he wanted…” 

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear what clever, logical explanation you have to justify yourself. You say you wanted to get rid of him? Well I could have done it. I would have done it for you. Why didn’t you tell me? You had every opportunity to tell me.” 

He lets go of her wrist and pushes her hand away.

“I’m the stupid one here,” he lets out a bitter laugh. “Merlyn placed you in my home as a walking, talking, beautiful trap and I happily walked into it. Stupidly fell for your charms.” 

“My feelings were real Oliver,” Felicity pleads. 

“What feelings? You mean all the times you slept with me and used your tricks in bed to keep me enticed?” Oliver’s voice is calm now, cold and emotionless to match the icy smile on his face. “Guess I deserved it since I couldn’t say no to the goods on display could I? 

Felicity takes a step back, his words punching her in the gut. 

“Oliver,” she pleads one more time, willing herself to take a step towards him, searching desperately for some sign of the man she thought felt something for her. 

“Oliver I know you feel angry and betrayed but please just let me explain.” 

“You’ve had months to come to me and explain. I think that says it all.” 

“Please just hear my side of the story.” Felicity doesn’t give up on begging despite the fact that the look on his face is telling her it’s completely futile. Oliver has completely shut down. He’s close the book on them.

“You just admitted to getting letters from Merlyn. Letters that you never mentioned. You admitted to meeting him. You claim that your loyalties lie with me and that you were looking for a way to get rid of him but did you once bring it up with me? The Green Arrow? The one person who could defeat him? No. Not until I find these things in your chambers.” 

“You’re completely twisting the facts around because you don’t want to let me explain,” Felicity raises her voice in frustration.

“No I finally woke up and saw you for what you are. An enticing gift sent to cast a spell on me. Every time you looked at me, every time you touched me. Those smiles that were so hard to come by in the beginning and now bestowed to dazzle me. None of it is real.” 

“Oliver.” 

He looms over Felicity and stares at her with a cold, immobile stare. She can feel the furnace of seething anger in him that he’s pushed just below the surface.

Slowly and deliberately he grabs her wrist.

“Everything I’ve given you, I can and will take away. You will never see William again.”

“Guards,” he barks loudly. “Lock her up for the time being and do not let anyone see her.” 

“There is no need.” Felicity informs him quietly, her face now impassive. She could see that it was no use pleading and arguing anymore. Oliver had made up his mind to subscribe only to the very specific narrative that he wanted to see. 

She really was very stupid to think he could see her as a person in her own right. To think that the care and fondness he exhibited for her was real and long lasting. He may have doted over her when it suited him but in the face of the slightest shift in the breeze, he’d had no qualms turning on her. She was still nothing but a tribute handed over to him by Merlyn. The lowly slave he would always mistrust. 

“You’ve made up your mind to view me in a certain way and you will never trust me. You’re right Oliver. What you give you can most certainly take away. I foolishly thought that I’d found a home here. That you were different. Now I realize there is nowhere on this earth for me. I will not stay here and be the thorn by your side because I know that as angry as you are, you don’t have it in you to get rid of me. You’ll let me live but only to hate me.”

Without warning Felicity raises the dagger she still has in her hand and slams it into her body. 

“Felicity,” Oliver screams as he lunges forward to try and stop her. 

“I just set both of us free,” she smiles at him, dropping the blood-covered dagger on the floor. 

It was then that he notices the pool of blood seeping through her wound. With every microsecond that passes by, the blood seemed to be flowing more freely from her wound until to Oliver’s utter horror he could see blood rushing out of her. 

“Felicity,” he screams as he tries to stop the bleeding with his hands, realizing that Felicity being Felicity hadn’t just aimlessly stabbed herself with a knife. She had made sure to hit an artery.

“What the hell have you done? Why would you do something so stupid?” he mutters frantically before finding his voice to scream for help.

“Get the physician. Someone get a physician.” Oliver’s screams echo throughout serenely quiet manor. 

*** 

Anger and regret. These are the two things that are on the forefront of Oliver’s mind as he mows his way through Merlyn’s castle, mercilessly sending arrows into any goons that were foolish enough to get in his way.

In the aftermath of everything that had happened it was the only thing Oliver could do to keep the image of a blood soaked and unconscious Felicity out of his mind. He’d done this to her. Merlyn had used him to do this to her.

Felicity who had brought sunshine and laughter into his life despite never experiencing any of it herself finally thought she’d found a quiet existence with him. That was until he’d stupidly let Merlyn use his hand to rip her life apart. It was all over now. Even if she did survive, deep down Oliver knew they could never go back to the way they were. 

There was very little he could do for Felicity by remaining in the palace. What he could do was kill the man who’d held so much power over her for so long. If by some miracle Felicity survived, she would be rid of the one burden that had plagued her for most of her life.

***

“How is she?” Oliver asks tentatively as he watches Alena pour some sort of potent smelling medicine from one bowl to another in an attempt to cool it quickly. 

“I’m so relieved you’re back,” Alena sighs looking anything but relieved. “She’s out of danger, the physician was able to heal her and stop the bleeding. But I can’t get her to take any medicine. Either the healing concoction or the painkillers. She must be in intense pain. I can’t force it on her so I have to leave it but I know for a fact that she empties all her medicine outside her window when she thinks I’m gone.”

“Could you…could you speak to her?” Alena asks with a look of desperation in her eyes.

“I’m afraid I’m the last person she wants to see.”

There’s a small sad smile, tinged with a hint of bitterness on his face.

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you but you really can’t make things worse than they already are. I was so worried about her I thought of sending Master William in to plead but I didn’t want to involve him in this. Felicity wouldn’t want this, although I feel like Master William is the only person who could get her to drink her medicine.” 

Seeing the even more apprehensive look on Oliver’s face Alena hastily adds, “Every time Master William runs in here to find Felicity I tell him she suddenly became very ill with a highly contagious illness and that we are doing everything we can to make her better. He’s extremely upset but I think it’s for the best.”

“Thank you Alena.” Oliver nods gratefully. “You can leave the medicine. I will bring it to her. I will take over the task of caring for Felicity from now onwards.” 

*** 

“Hi,” Oliver says softy as he enters Felicity’s bedchambers. After everything he’d put her through the niceties of saying _Hi_ rang so false to his ears.

She was on her bed propped up by a sea of pillows, her face gaunt, and her skin as pale as snow. Her eyes which when they first met had sparkled with defiance, fire and then later on mirth, were now empty pools of blue. 

“I brought you your medicine. Alena has taken excellent care of you but now that I’m back I’m going to take over.” 

Felicity didn’t turn or look away like he expected. No. She merely looks right through him. No anger, no sadness. Nothing. She continues to gaze right at him, her face devoid of any emotion. 

Slowly Oliver pads over to the bed and places the tray down on the beside table. He picks up the bowl of medicine, scoops a spoonful of the bitter liquid and blows on it gently before raising it to her lips.

Nothing. She doesn’t resist or turn her head away. She’s merely an immoveable statue, still staring right past him as if he wasn’t there. 

“Felicity please,” he begs. “The physician said you must be in a lot of pain. Please drink this.” 

She doesn’t answer him. Doesn’t do anything. 

“I killed Merlyn. I know it’s too little too late but I killed the bastard. You don’t ever have to worry about him again.”

Oliver watches her face for any visible reaction but Felicity only turns her head to gaze outside her window with a far away look in her eyes. 

“Felicity,” he pleads, his voice getting louder and more desperate now. 

“Felicity please.” 

Slowly and deliberately Oliver drops to his knees. 

“You can be angry at me, you can wish death on me, beat me and curse me all you want but I am not going to give up until you acknowledge me. I will kneel here for however long it takes.” 

Felicity remains steadfast in her refusal to acknowledge him. Instead she drops down on her sea of pillows and closes her eyes.

*** 

Felicity drifts in and out of consciousness, unable to rest but without the strength to remain fully awake either. 

She doesn’t know how long it has been when she finally opens her eyes. All she can observe is that the lighting has changed and the blinds on her window have been drawn but Oliver is still there on his knees. 

As she shuffles around the bed, he appears by her side, still kneeling as he tries to help prop her up. 

“Don’t,” Felicity says in choked voice and hating herself for it. Hating herself for reacting to him. She just wanted to be left alone. To wither away in peace. She didn’t want him here with his apologies and platitudes. 

Who was she kidding? This was still his home. His palace. She was still his woman.

“Please just leave me alone. There’s nothing you can say or do, nothing that I want to hear. Please just go away and don’t come back here again.” 

She’s pushing away blindly now, even though he’s hovering at a distance, too afraid to touch her, afraid that he would yet again make another mistake, escalating her distress towards him. 

“The physician says you’re not going to survive much longer if this keeps up Felicity. Please just regain your strength again and then we can talk things through.”

“Talk about what Oliver? You didn’t want to talk remember? All I asked was for you to listen to my side of the story and you couldn’t even grant me that. You chose to believe the oldest trick in the book without even hearing my side of the story so tell me what is there to talk about? I tried. I really did. I ended this for the both of us but you insisted on bringing me back so now what is it that you can possibly say to me or expect me to say to you?” 

Her voice is hoarse as she forces out the words through a flurry of tears. 

“I…what I did was inexcusable. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Just…please do something about your health.”

“You’ll spend the rest of your life making it up to me? You killed Merlyn for me? Why? Because I committed the ultimate act to prove my innocence to you? Tell me Oliver, if I hadn’t done what I did would we be here having this conversation? Or would you have me locked away in some dungeon somewhere?” 

She laughs. A painful, bitter laugh that reeks of so many disillusions, it is so jarringly at odds with who she is and everything she represents. 

“Say I believe your promises and I get better. What happens in a month, a year, five years when something else happens that might force you to question my motives? You’ll turn on me again, use my back story against me until I prove myself to you once more?” 

Felicity is sobbing uncontrollably now. Despite the rage and the pain her mind still conjured up fleeting visions of them being happy, with William. 

William. William whom she loved more than anything in the world. Who would never truly be her child. Who could be snatched from her in an instant as Oliver proved earlier. 

Blinded by her tears, Felicity feels like she’s about to collapse when a strong pair of arms engulf her. His arms. They were warm, sturdy and gentle. He doesn’t say anything but she can feel gentle kisses brushed against her head as his hands stroke softly up and down her back. 

“I was so afraid of losing you,” she sobs, unable to contain her emotions anymore. She was so tired. Tired of trying to hold it all in, tired of missing him despite hating herself for it, tired of mourning everything she lost but never really had in the first place. 

“Afraid of losing the very fragile beginnings I thought we had. Except now I realized we never had anything. There was nothing there which is why you could turn on me so easily and suddenly.”

She’s crying into his arms now, seeking comfort in the one person who has brought her so much pain. Oliver doesn’t say anything but simply buries his face in her hair. 

“There was an attraction. Like you said you couldn’t help yourself but I will always be the lowly slave sent here as a present to you. When you’re happy I am sure everything be fine. But as soon as something goes wrong you will turn on me because you don’t trust me. You will never trust me because we did not meet on equal terms and nothing can rewrite our history.”

Felicity collapses into Oliver, too tired and despondent to fight anymore. He holds her and rocks her gently back and forth. She doesn’t know how long they stay like this until his soft whisper pierces the silence in the room. She’s curled up like a small animal now, neatly tucked into his chest, his arms wrapped around her.

“I will make it up to you. Not because I’m looking for forgiveness or because I’m trying to ask you for a second chance but because I love you. I love you and I want you to be well and be happy. Even if that means letting you go I will do it. I will do anything to ensure your happiness from now on Felicity.” 

Felicity closes her eyes and gives herself up to the warmth and comfort of his embrace.

*** 

**Love**

“Where do you plan to go?” he asks eyeing the limited contents of her knapsack. “Merlyn Castle is now yours. You don’t have to go anywhere else. I can have all your things sent there for you.”

She smiles at him and shakes her head. Although she’s closed the door on them the smile she gives him is earnest and natural. She may not feel that way about him anymore but Oliver takes solace in the fact that they can interact sincerely with each other. 

“I was trapped there for almost two decades. It’s the one place I can never return to. Thank you for agreeing to store all my things. I plan on drifting around for a while, see the world. When I find somewhere to settle down I shall send for them.” 

“You don’t ever have to thank me.” 

Oliver so desperately wants to ask her where she’s going, how long she will be gone for and if she’ll ever return. He wants to tell her how worried he is that she’ll be all alone in the world but no. He doesn’t get to do any of that. The only thing he can do is to wish her well and offer anything and everything to help her achieve what her heart desires.

“I have to thank you because I’m going to ask something big of you and I hope you will have it in you to do it for me.” A pained expression passes her face as she successfully blinks back a stray tear. 

“Anything,” Oliver reassures her. “If it’s you asking I will do it.”

“This letter is for Will. I don’t know whether giving it to him would make things better or worse so I leave it up to your judgment depending on how he reacts to my departure.” 

It’s on the cusp of his lips to ask her to stay, if not for him then for Will but Oliver resists. It wasn’t fair to use his son in an attempt to tie her down. He’d vow to set her free after all. It would be despicable of him to do anything otherwise despite a part of him being sorely tempted to employ any and all tactics to make her stay. 

“I will do everything I can to help him through this,” he assures Felicity after a few seconds of silence. 

“I do love him so very much,” she says tearing up but turning away so that he can’t see her tears. 

“I know.” 

Slowly Oliver walks over and places a reassuring arm around her shoulder as he kisses her on the forehead.

*** 

“Felicity! Felicity! Felicity.” 

She’s at the palace gates saying her final farewells to Oliver and Alena when William’s lanky little figure darts out and latches onto her leg with a helpless Raisa running up from a distance to catch up with him.

“You can’t leave Felicity. You promised! You promised you would always try to take care of me because you know what it’s like to not have a mommy so you can’t leave.”

William presses his face against her dress and bursts into tears. 

“You PROMISED.” 

Felicity hugs the pitiful little figure before her and kisses him on the head. Slowly she drops down to his level, pulling him in for a hug.

“I know I did sweetie but I can’t stay here.” 

“Grown up reasons that you can’t tell me because they’re not good for my brain?” Will questions her between sobs. 

Despite her broken heart and the sobbing little figure before her, Felicity feels a tiny urge to smile at his candid question. 

“Grown up reasons,” Felicity nods into his shoulder, still holding him. 

“But you still love me right? You shouldn’t leave a little boy just because you don’t love Daddy anymore.” 

“I never want to leave you William but I really can’t stay here. And I can’t take you with me darling. Daddy is still your daddy and no matter how much I love you I can’t take you away from your daddy. You wouldn’t want daddy to give you away now would you? Even if he gives you to me?” 

Will lets out another sob but manages to nod at her. 

“Can’t you live somewhere not so far away so I can visit you?” 

“Daddy if Felicity doesn’t move far away will you let me visit and stay with her? Especially when you go to battle Daddy. I have nobody when you go to battle.” The little boy sniffles and wipes away his tears with the back of his hand before beaming at them, clearly pleased with what he obviously deemed to be a brilliant solution he’s come up with. 

“Buddy,” Oliver says hesitantly. “Felicity was very ill for a very long time? She needs to take good care of herself and if we love her, we need to let her go wherever she wants to go so she can be well again. Remember how we’ve talked about this already?” 

“I…I can scour for a place in town to move into. If…if that won’t bother you. That way he can see me anytime he wants.”

William whoops with joy as he tries to leap into Felicity’s arms only to have Oliver quickly yank him back and frown at him. 

“Felicity cannot carry you. She’s just recovered remember?” 

He turns to Felicity, barely able to contain the joy and hope in his eyes. 

“I have a manor in Bloomfield. It’s not as nice as your residence here but I will have people fix it up. Won’t take long before you can move in. I can keep sending people to make it nicer once you’ve settled in if you’ll tolerate it.”

“I don’t need much,” Felicity beams at him. “Just a room for this one.”

She nudges William who has latched onto her leg again. 

“And a playground garden Daddy. You have to build us the garden and playground of our dreams.” 

“Thank you,” Oliver whispers into her ear as they head back to the main palace, William half walking and half swinging between Oliver and Felicity’s legs. 

“I did make a promise,” Felicity smiles a gentle smile as she watches William fondly.

*** 

“Daddy,” William shouts as he bounds over to meet his father, having been away for an entire fortnight with Felicity.

“Daddy Felicity has a present for you. She made you a new bow as a spare in case anything happens to your old one. Isn’t she nice to you?” 

“I thought you could always do with a spare. Try it out, familiarize yourself with it in case you ever need it. I have a lot of time on my hands,” Felicity smiles shyly. 

“It’s perfect,” he beams at her, his eyes lingering on her until she blushes and looks away.

“I’m going to go and ask Raisa for dinner. You are the best momma a little boy can have Felicity but your hot meals are not so good. Or hot. They are just warm.” William pulls a face as he recalls the lukewarm lasagna he chalked down for dinner a few nights earlier.”

“Don’t be rude,” Oliver admonishes his son but Will has already skipped off. 

“It’s ok I deserved that,” Felicity laughs. 

“I don’t know why you won’t let me send you a cook,” Oliver grumbles. They’ve had this discussion before. He was constantly worried that she wasn’t eating properly due to her own unappetizing food. Her injuries were still on his mind and it was all he could do not to flit around her and fuss every time they saw each other. 

“You’ve sent enough people. Rene and Dinah to guard the place, Curtis to help me build the garden and playground for Will. I feel like I’m sponging off you.”

“You’re my wife. I will always care about you.”

Felicity looks away, avoiding his piercing gaze. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t remind you of those days. I didn’t mean to. I just want you to know that I care about you.” 

His body is yearning to lean in and comfort her but Oliver clenches his fists as he fights the urge to reach out and touch her. She’d been gone for almost a year now and although they’d settled into a comfortable routine for William, a part of him couldn’t help but wonder if in putting the past behind her, she had also put him behind.

“We make a good team,” Felicity offers him a reassuring smile. 

“I better start heading back. If I hurry it’ll just start to get dark when I reach Bloomfield. I’ll see you next week.” 

She reaches out to pat his chest and Oliver, unable to contain himself, grabs onto her hand gently. 

“Stay?” he asks with a hopeful look in his eyes. “It gets dark quickly now and I worry about you. Plus you need a decent meal.”

“I had the East Wing renovated and named it Sunshine Pavilion in case you ever needed to stay here in an emergency. You never have to set foot back in your old living quarters again.” 

“I had some good times there,” Felicity smiles wistfully. “But also a lot of pain and heartache.” 

“I understand if you don’t want to stay here tonight. I just want you to know that Sunshine Pavilion will always be waiting for you. I had everything stripped down and rebuilt. A fresh start.”

His words are loaded. As Felicity looks into his eyes she can see both hope and heartbreak, intermingling in those deep pools of blue. Heartbreak in trying to accept that there may never be a them and the hope that maybe, just maybe one day she will have a change of heart. 

Slowly but deliberately she intertwines her fingers with his. 

“Show me this Sunshine Pavilion that you’ve worked so hard on.” 

Oliver’s face lights up as he beams at her.

“Thank you,” he whispers. 

*** 

“Felicity I’m going to go and get help,” Will calls to his mother who was dangling six feet in the air. 

They’d been out enjoying the lovely weather and sunshine when he’d thought of an impromptu dare, which ultimately led to their current predicament. Felicity (who was even worse than him at physical activity and just as uncoordinated) had slipped as she tried to climb the giant spider web play structure Curtis had built for them. 

“No. There’s no need to create a fuss Will. I will let go and land like a cat,” Felicity shouts back at him.

“I don’t think it’s going to work out like that for you,” Will says. “You might break something. And then daddy will freak out and I won’t be able to stay with you for ages. It’ll be like that time you got really sick and no one let me see you.”

“Will, don’t work yourself up,” Felicity instructs him while desperately trying to cling on. “I will land on the soft sawdust and the worst thing that can happen to me is a grazed knee. Calm down kiddo.” 

“Ok I’m going to let go now. Clear!!!” Felicity shouts and lets go of the bar she was dangling off, bracing herself for a mouthful of sawdust upon impact at the very least. 

To her surprise she never hits the ground. Instead a pair of muscular arms wrap around her waist, catching her and holding her up before she hits the ground. Oliver’s arms. And he’s looking at her with a doting smile on his face like she hung the moon instead of being the idiot who lost her balance on a children’s climbing structure. 

“I’ve got you honey,” he whispers, not letting her go. Their noses touch as their faces hover mere millimeters from each other. 

“Hi,” she grins sheepishly. “I wasn’t expecting you.” 

“Always here ready to catch you Felicity.”

“You mean more like lurking?” she teases. “Put me down. I don’t want you to know how heavy I am. It’s all the food you keep bringing down.”

Oliver’s answer to her refusal of a cook was to bring down copious amounts of freshly prepared food to Bloomfield himself. He’d had a solid victory against the Legion of Doom and could spend much of his time following Felicity around like his heart desired. 

“Not heavy in the least.” He swings her round and round just to prove his point. 

“Can’t you two play at night like you used to instead of right now?” Will protests looking slight annoyed.

Oliver places Felicity back on the ground, his hands still resting on her hips as both of their ears glow bright red in the wake of William’s comment. 

*** 

“Will is down for the count and it’s exactly 8.00pm on the dot,” Oliver sighs with contentment as he unscrews the cork from the bottle of wine he selected from his cellars and poured Felicity a glass. 

“So I guess we’re free to play with each other since it’s nighttime now?” Felicity says breezily before turning bright red when she realizes the meaning behind her words. 

“I love you,” Oliver blurts out suddenly. Felicity who had raised her glass to her lips, poised to take a drink, slowly lowers her glass and stares at him. 

Oliver gulps down the contents of his glass before continuing. “I love you. I miss you so much. I know I shouldn’t say anything because you’re…you’re not ready and I don’t know if you’ll ever be so I’m sorry I said anything at all. I love you. I would do anything for another chance with you but I will never bring this up again because I’ve promised to let you go even though I will always love you.” 

He pours himself another glass of wine and quickly chugs that down as well. 

“You can say it. Please say it.” 

Oliver stares at her, mouth agape, performing a marvellous imitation of a stunned goldfish if there ever was one. 

“I want to hear it. I want to hear that you love me. There was a time when I didn’t think that I would be ready but I’m ready now. I miss you too when…”

Oliver cuts her off with a soft but somewhat desperate kiss as he cups her face in his hands. Her smooth, velvety cheeks, those soft lips, that flowery citrus scent. These were the things that he thought he had lost forever and suddenly here she was right before him in the flesh telling him she would, could accept him again.

“I love you so much Felicity and I will spend the rest of my life proving that I am worthy of you.”

“I love you too,” Felicity whispers with a big smile on her face as she pulls him in for another kiss. 

*** 

**Five years later**

“Mia! Come back you little monster,” William huffs in frustration as he chases a cherubic ten month old baby who was crawling away from him at supersonic speed while giggling with glee. 

“Why won’t that kid ever sit still?” he moans as he scoops up baby Mia and plops her on the picnic rug only to have her giggle in delight before taking off again, as fast as her little chubby arms and legs would take her.

“Mia!” 

“Do you want to swap babies Will?” Oliver calls out to his son

“Bet he won’t,” Felicity whispers to her husband as she watches her eldest son pick up Mia and waggle a disapproving finger at her. Mia happily grabs onto William’s hand and tries to gum down on it.

“What about you little man? You got any desire to move anywhere?” Oliver asks Lucas, Mia’s twin brother.

“Nono,” Lucas responds solemnly as he attempts to shove a miniature cupcake into his mouth. 

“Nono indeed,” Oliver says, seamlessly swiping the cupcake from his son and replacing it with a strawberry instead. 

Lucas stares at the strawberry suspiciously, shrugs and shoves the entire fruit into his mouth.

“I want the good baby now. You guys deal with this one,” Will collapses next to them and hands a struggling, _trying to escape_ Mia to Felicity. 

“You’ll have to stop Lucas from eating the entire picnic basket,” Felicity warns her son. 

“Beats running around the field after this one.” William narrows his eyes and gives Mia an exaggerated glare. She bursts into a peal of giggles before holding out her arms for him.

“Weel,” she commands, demanding to be handed back to her brother. 

“Why don’t I chase you for a bit Mia,” Felicity coos, bouncing Mia up and down but Mia will have none of it.

“Weel,” she demands, in a piercing voice.

“I’ll take her,” William offers right away despite trying to shake off his sister earlier. “We don’t want her to start screeching again.”

Before Felicity even gets around to placing her on the rug, Mia dives from her mother’s arms and makes a beeline crawl to her brother. 

“I think Mia loves you best,” Felicity offers by way of consolation. She relaxes in the warm air and leans into Oliver as they watch their _less of a handful_ baby stuff a wedge of tomato into his mouth. 

“We've got William and twins,” Oliver sighs with contentment as he sneaks Felicity a kiss now that William is back to chasing Mia.

“Sometimes I still can’t believe this is my life. I’ve come a long way since that first night we spent together.” 

“We both have.”


End file.
